I’m sat here now in an empty house, Mel’s away for the weekend in Blackpool with her work friends and Alan’s gone . . god knows where he’s gone, but hes gone, sitting here alone I’m thinking was it something we did to make him want to go back to Hull to get his next fix of heroin or was it just predetermined in the great thing that is life for him to do this no matter what we did to try and prevent it…
I’ve never felt so alone or depressed as I do now thinking about what he’s done to himself and his family, we gave him so many 2nd chances apart from me that is, I gave him one chance and I told him he’d only have one chance and he decided to use that chance up thinking I’d let him off and maybe just like my sister and her husband and my mum give him one more go, but I couldn’t, i couldn’t face his failure yet again, after all the pain he’s put them through these past 4yrs, am I bad for doing this ?, not giving him one more chance or was I right . . only time will tell, I really hope he does sort himself out and picks himself up from the place he’s put himself
You did nothing wrong. He is the cold and calculating addict that he is. He knew is was his one and only chance with you. But he decided to blow it. Do not blame yourselves, he is the only who is to blame. He prefers Heroin…….
It is absolutely not your fault! You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it…not to be a corny nar-anon slogan chanter…
If you’re really struggling with the guilt and sadness, I recommend a Nar-Anon meeting or an Al-Anon group…it’s helped me so much, not just to deal with the situation with my husband, but really to grow as a person. I’m getting stronger and figuring out why I let people take advantage of me.
I’m sending you and your family mental hugs! You guys take care of yourself, and stay in touch!
I know your both totally right in saying that it’s not our fault, just feels like we could have done something more, but as you say we cant control it and if he really wants it no matter what we do he’ll still get it, suppose it’s because I thought I’d gotten through to him finally, where everyone else had failed, thought that he’d see that if I can fight my addiction to drugs (ecstacy/phet/coke) and come out the other side maybe he could, but he was just playing me along like the rest of the family before me, just waiting for an opportunity to get what he wanted.
Will pass on the idea of visiting a Nar-Anon meeting to my sister(his mum) as this might be a help to her, as it’s really killing her all this stress and stuff
Thanks again